


you are my summer and my dream

by markclub



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Drinking to Cope, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 16:13:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15198500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markclub/pseuds/markclub
Summary: wherein exes mark and jaemin have to adjust to being only friends.





	you are my summer and my dream

**Author's Note:**

> heres my contribution its a mess hope u like anyway

It’s hard getting used to. It’s hard to adjust when everything in this shabby apartment reminds Jaemin of Mark. Even the darn cat that’s hiding _somewhere_ reminds Jaemin of him. The cat had been a gift from Jeno-- Jeno already had enough cats and as much as he wants to ignore his allergies... he can’t. So Jaemin had given him a home.

 

Mark had named the cat.

 

_“You should name him Pepper.”_

 

_“That’s cute!”_

 

_“Like short for Dr. Pepper.”_

 

As silly as it was, Jaemin thought it was fitting and cute anyway. Pepper jumps on top of the coffee table, in front of the sofa where Jaemin’s currently sprawled out on. The cat’s a medium haired tabby calico, good for snuggling when Jaemin’s sad. He reaches into his back pocket for his phone, just to check for any missed notifications. He definitely is not hoping a certain someone would text him. He knows it’s hopeless though, the last time they texted was to reassure each other they’d stay on good terms. Jaemin could always text first, but he can’t help but overthink it. It’s different now, they’re not together and it’s not that easy. He scrolls through his messages, majority of the unread ones coming from the group chat he’s in with Mark and their mutual friends. It’s mostly Donghyuck and Chenle conversing about, no sign of Mark. He locks his phone before he can do anything hasty, he’ll leave that for another day.

 

The nice thing about finishing midterms, is the parties. Typically he isn’t keen on drinking, but the minute he heard Yukhei was throwing a party, he had set his mind on going. He can’t stand being holed up in his room anymore, he wants to get hammered stat. He actually gets dolled up for the party. He knows he’ll only feel gross by the end of the night, but he wants to meet a cute boy and forget about the ache in his chest. He pairs his silky pink blouse with a pair of black jeans. He opts on not wearing the black cardigan, it’s going to be way too hot-- and in a frat house at that. He finishes the touches on his eyes and deems he looks good enough.

 

At the party he sees all his friends, who, are also friends with Mark, meaning-- he has about five seconds to down three shots because he is too sober for this. In the kitchen, he bumps into Jungwoo and Jisung who immediately ask how he’s doing.

 

“Guys, I’m fine.”

 

“Are you sure?” Jisung asks again. It’s timid and it’s clear Jisung doesn’t want to cross any boundaries, and Jaemin knows that fully well. He knows it’s just Jisung worrying about him.

 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He eyes the drinks and downs two vodka shots and a shot of tequila before he knows it.

 

The two say nothing more, only pitying looks on their faces and Jaemin hates that. He’s fine, he’s been doing fine. If he wants to get shitfaced, let him!

 

“I’m gonna go see where the others are.” Jaemin grabs the shot of whiskey and gulps it, then leaves without another word, without another glance.

 

He sees Donghyuck and Renjun dancing in the living room, and normally he would approach, but three’s always been a crowd and he’d rather leave them be. He tries looking around for anyone else he knows, maybe Ten’s around here somewhere, but of course life’s a bitch and he has to see Mark Lee dancing with a girl. He can’t say he’s surprised, Mark’s always had a lot of suitors, and even though it hurts, he has no right to feel this way. At least not anymore. Before he can make a fool of himself, he walks back into the kitchen. He’s not drunk enough. He starts taking shots of whiskey with everyone who’s in the kitchen. If Jisung sees from behind the crowd of people, he doesn’t voice his worries. He lets Jaemin cope.

 

Jaemin’s on the verge of throwing up. He’s always hated the taste of whiskey, something about it never tasted right going down. He thinks if he takes another shot, he will very likely barf in the middle of this kitchen, which will not only be embarrassing but probably on everyone’s fucking Snapchat story. He darts for the front door of the frat house, walks right past Mark and his stares, and sits himself on the grass. He thinks tonight has been quite the failure. He hasn’t gotten any numbers from cute boys, and to rub salt on the wound, he had to see his ex getting it on with someone else. He falls back onto the grass, quite unaware of the figure looking down at him.

 

“Jaemin?”

 

He’d recognize that damn voice anywhere. He sits himself back up, not wanting to face him, he’s not ready for this. He’s about to walk back inside when Mark stops him.

 

“Want me to take you home?”

 

The logical thing would be to say _no, but thanks for the offer!_ but Jaemin’s drunk so he blames this on the alcohol. He lets Mark take him home. Jaemin’s actually surprised Mark’s sober, Mark’s always been a lightweight, but perhaps Jaemin’s the only one between the two who isn’t handling things as well as he should.

 

Mark still has the spare keys to Jaemin’s apartment. Jaemin should really ask for it back, but he’s forgetful, or at least that’s his excuse. Mark locks the door behind him before helping Jaemin to his bedroom. Jaemin immediately engulfs himself into the sheets, he’s a sleepy drunk. All too used to it, Mark comes back with makeup wipes, making sure to get all the eyeliner off. Jaemin expects that to be it, clean and done, but Mark remains there in silence. Jaemin’s waiting for the question to pop, he knows Mark’s going to ask.

 

“Nana, are you okay?”

 

Jaemin almost shoves Mark off the damn bed where he’s seated on the edge. “Course I’m okay. _You_ okay, bud?”

 

Mark’s shoulders slump and he shakes his head. “Were you jealous?”

 

“Of?”

 

Jaemin knows Mark can see right through him, that he’s playing dumb, but if he doesn’t play dumb then that means talking about his feelings and of fucking course he was jealous.

 

“You know of what.”

 

He situates himself on his back and tugs the covers closer, shutting his eyes and readying himself for sleep. “Does it matter? I don’t deserve to be jealous.”

 

A minute passes, then two. If he knew he would be stuck in this situation tonight, maybe he wouldn’t have gone to the party. Mark’s still there, Jaemin knows it, but he refuses to open his eyes. He doesn’t want to see the look on Mark’s face. Just as he feels sleep take over, he hears a faint, “You’re right. You don’t.”

 

He feels Mark tucking him in, the sweep of his bangs to the side, and the last thing he hears is the click of his bedroom door closing.

 

The one thing he hates about the morning after, is that he remembers everything. It’s better than a raging headache, but he remembers his conversation with Mark which is something he’d rather forget ever happened. He hears Pepper pawing at his door, another reminder of the person he’s trying not to think about. He checks the time on his phone, it’s a Saturday so he has no worries about missing any classes, there’s a few missed calls from Jisung and a few texts from Donghyuck. What he doesn’t expect is to see texts from Mark.

 

 

> **mark**
> 
> **remember to drink lots of water**
> 
> **take some advil as well**

 

He begins typing, only to erase and erase. He doesn’t know what to say.

 

 

> **jaemin**
> 
> **K**

 

Better than leaving him on read. He switches the chat over to the one with Donghyuck.

 

 

> **hyuck**
> 
> **hey i saw u leave**
> 
> **are u ok?**
> 
> **ur not right**
> 
> **listen im sure that meant nothing**
> 
> **he still loves u yknow**
> 
> **why did u two breakup anyway**

 

Jaemin thinks it over. He doesn’t know why either, they just did. It just stopped working out. It wasn’t going to last with them anyway. Even though he knows that, he wants nothing more than to get back together with Mark. But he was the one who broke up with him in the first place, mostly because of his emotional baggage and whatever insecurities that flooded his mind till he had enough.

 

 

> **jaemin**
> 
> **ye im fine**

 

The two run into each other again during Jeno’s birthday dinner. Jaemin had expected it, Mark’s Jeno’s best friend of course he has to be here, but just because the expectation was there doesn’t make it hurt any less. Jaemin wants to sit anywhere but next to Mark, but his friends are dickheads and loves making him suffer. He thinks this booth is way too small, if he keeps being shoved into Mark’s side, he’s going to cut Jisung. He can barely get through this meal, what with Mark’s body heat suffocating him. If that wasn’t enough, they all decide to go back to Jeno’s place, and like the dickheads that they are, they tell Jaemin to ride with Mark.

 

“Sorry, Nana, there’s only 5 seats! Have fun!”

 

Jaemin’s really going to cut Jisung.

 

After Jeno’s birthday, everything’s almost calm. Mark’s back to talking in the group chat, even regularly texts Jaemin. It’s fucking weird and he feels like he’s having a fever dream. They’re getting back into the hang of things, before they got together, when they were nothing but friends. It’s nice, Jaemin’s missed talking to him like this, but change has always been hard.

 

 

> **mark**
> 
> **good morning baby**

 

 

> **mark**
> 
> **wait**
> 
> **fuck sorry**
> 
> **force of habit**
> 
> **i have half a brain cell im sorry**

 

They had been talking so much lately it was as if they had never broken up. But Jaemin knows better than to be delusional.

 

 

> **jaemin**
> 
> **its fine**

 

It wasn’t fine, but what else could he do. He wants Mark in his life, and if that means completely platonic, he’ll have to manage.

 

Except Mark can’t manage. Who exactly can in this situation? Mark shows up at Jaemin’s place breaking down. It’s late, this will wake the neighbors up, but nothing seems to matter when Jaemin sees Mark crying before him. Mark rarely cries.

 

“I can’t do this anymore, Jaemin. It sucks ass, okay? I said it. It fucking sucks and I don’t know how to deal. What was it? Was I not giving you the attention you deserve? I’m sorry, I’ll work on it. I’m sorry-- just-- please.”

 

Jaemin hates everything about this. None of it was Mark’s fault. It’s just Jaemin and his fucking head. He thought this would be better, they weren’t going to last, but it didn’t do them any good and they’re obviously not doing so well without each other. Jaemin takes Mark’s hands into his, Mark instantly holding tight.

 

“I just thought-- that this would’ve been right. I dunno, I’m sorry. You did nothing wrong, I’m just an idiot. A dumbass. Stupid really--” Mark pulls Jaemin in for a hug before he can continue any longer.

 

“Stop it, you’re none of those.”

 

They sit there on the ground by Jaemin’s front door, holding each other as the sounds of their muffled cries gets the message across. They decide to talk it out first thing tomorrow morning. There must be a way around this, and if that means getting back together then so be it. Jaemin doesn’t know if this means they’re getting back together, but the future’s in their hands.

 

They have until morning to figure it out.


End file.
